Brother Johnny - for who messes up a solo

("Johnny" is replaced by the name of the person who messes up a solo.)

Here's to Brother Johnny, Brother Johnny, Brother Johnny.

Here's to Brother Johnny who's with us tonight.

He beats it, he eats it, he often mistreats it.

Here's to Brother Johnny who's with us tonight.

Boy Meets Girl

Boy meets girl, holds her hand,

Visions of a promised land,

Tender words, cling and kiss,

Crafty feel, heavenly bliss,

Nibble nipples, squeeze thighs,

Gets a beat, feels a rise,

Eyes ablaze, drawers down,

Really starts to go to town,

Legs outspread, virgin lass,

Fanny foams like bottled Bass,

Ram it home, moans of joy,

Teenage love, girl meets boy,

Love's a jewel, pearls he's won,

Shoots his load, what's he done,

Comes the pay off, here's the rub,

He's got her in the pudding club,

Comes the wedding, bridesmaids flap,

Love and cherish, all that crap,

A tubby tum, weighty gain,

Prams and nappies, labour pain,

Begins to realize what he did,

Nagging wife and screaming kid,

Sweats his prick off, works his stint;

Only pleasure is evening time,

When mattress creaks she's off again,

Can't forsake those sexy habits,

Breeding kids like bloody rabbits.

 Black Velvet Band

(Sung to the tune of "Black Velvet Band")

CHORUS: Her eyes they shone like the diamond,

They call her the Queen of the land.

And her hair hung over her shoulders,

Tied up with a black velvet band.

In a neat little town they call Belfast,

Apprentice to trade I was found,

Many an hour sweet happiness,

Have I spent in this neat little town,

Till bad misfortune befell me,

Which caused me to stray from the land,

Far away from my friends and relations,

Betrayed by the black velvet band.

Well I was out strolling one evening,

Not meaning to go very far

When I met with a pretty young damsel
She was selling her trade in a bar

She was both fair and handsome,

And her neck it was just like a swan,

And her hair it hung it over her shoulder,

Tied up with a black velvet band.

I took a stroll with this pretty fair maid,

And the gentleman passing us by,

Well I knew she meant the doing of him,

By the look in her roguish black-eye,

The gold watch she took from his pocket,

And placed it right into my hand,

On the very first day that I met her,
Bad luck from the black velvet band.

Next morning before judge and jury
For our trial I had to appear
The judge, he said, "Young fellow
The case against you is quite clear
And seven years is your sentence
You're going to Van Dieman's Land
Far away from your friends and relationsBetrayed by the black velvet band. 

So come all you jolly young fellows
I'd have you take warning by me
And whenever you're out on the liquor
Beware of the pretty colleen
They'll fill your with whiskey and porter
Until you're not able to stand
And the very next thing that you know
You're landed in Van Dieman's Land.

Barnacle Bill The Sailor

(Sung to the tune of "Barnacle Bill the Sailor")

WOMAN'S VOICE:

Who's that knocking at my door?

Who's that knocking at my door?

Who's that knocking at my door?

Cried the fair young maiden.

MAN'S VOICE:

Oh, it's only me from across the sea.

Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

WOMAN'S VOICE:

Why are you knocking at my door?

Why are you knocking at my door?

Why are you knocking at my door?

Cried the fair young maiden.

MAN'S VOICE:

'Cos I'm young enough, and ready and tough.

Cried Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

Will you take me to the dance?

To hell with the dance down with your pants.

You can sleep upon the floor.

I'll not sleep on the floor you dirty whore.

You can sleep upon the mat.

Oh, bugger the mat you can't f*** that.

You can sleep upon the stairs.

Oh, f*** the stairs they haven't got hairs.

What's that running up my blouse?

It's only me mitt to grab yer tit.

You can sleep between my tits.

Oh, bugger your tits they give me the shits.

You can sleep between my thighs.

Bugger your thighs they're covered in flies.

You can sleep within my cunt.

Oh, bugger your c*** but I'll f*** for a stunt.

What's that running in and out?

It's only me c**k, it's as hard as a rock.

What's that running down my leg?

It's only me shot that missed yer t***.

What if my parents should find out?

We'll eat your ma and blow your pa.

What if my mother should disagree?

If yer ma'll agree we'll make it three.

What if we should get VD?

We'll pick the sores and f*** some more.

What if we should get the (clap!)?

Gotta be willin' to take penicillin.

What if I should have a child?

We'll drown the bugger and f*** for another.

What if we should have a girl?

We'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch.

What if we should have a boy?

He'll play rugby and f*** like me.

What'll we do when the baby's born

We'll drown the bugger and f*** for another.

What if you should go to jail?

I'll pick the lock with my ten-foot c**k.

What if we should go to prison?

I'll swing my balls and knock down the walls.

Bestialityùs Best

002 Bestiality's Best (Sung to the tune of "Wallaby Song") CHORUS:Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best. Fuck a wallaby! Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best. Fuck a wallaby! Blow your rocks in an ox boys, blow your rocks in an ox. Fuck a wallaby! Blow your rocks in an ox boys, blow your rocks in an ox. Fuck a wallaby! In the spunk of a skunk boys, in the spunk of a skunk. Fuck a wallaby! In the spunk of a skunk boys, in the spunk of a skunk. Fuck a wallaby! In the rear of a deer boys, in the rear of a deer. Fuck a wallaby! In the rear of a deer boys, in the rear of a deer. Fuck a wallaby!

Be Kind To Your Web-Footed Friends

(Sung to the tune of "Stars and Stripes Forever")

Be kind to your web-footed friends

For a duck may be somebody's mother

Be kind to your friends in the swamp

Where the weather is cool and damp

Now you may think that this is the end

Well it is ...

Bill Bailey

(Sung to the tune of "Bill Bailey")

CHORUS:  Rip roar a tie-tie-ay,

Rip roar a tie-tie-ay,

Rip roar a tie-tie.

Rip roar a tucky-tucky,

Rip roar a tucky-tucky-aaaay.

I saw Bill Bailey

Out with the ladies

Under a starry sky

Then along came his wife

With a bloody great knife

And she chopped off the end

Of his tooral-ly-ay, Hey!

Off to the courthouse

He was lumbered

Charged with adultery

But the charge wouldn't stick

For he hadn't a prick

Cause she chopped off the end

Of his tooral-ly-ay, Hey!